Bronzed beauty?
It may be hard to believe but, despite being a broad-shouldered bloke, Salty is a bit worried when it comes to going on television.
Worried that he might not look his best. Worried, most specifically, that he won't look nicely bronzed like other television celebrities (think Dale Winton).
So, ahead of his appearance on Liverpool Football Club Television on Friday, he is going to - gasp - a tanning salon.
But does he really need to? Doesn't he look fine as he is? And what's wrong with being pale and interesting?
We have expertly produced an image of what Salty might look like after his salon trip.
So, what do you think? Did he look better before... or after? Be honest...
Here are a selection of the comments we have had so far:
Mr Dave Harrington-Wright: He looks like the colour of my favourite curry!!
Mrs Kath Lanigan: Don't let them spray you, it needs a couple of days to calm down!